No Child Left Behind – Basketball Version

The basketball version of what is going on in education right now. (If
you’re not an educator, this may not make a lot of sense to you. But
send it to your friends who are in education.
They will love it!)

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the

If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until
they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after
two years they have not won the championship, their basketballs and
equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the
same time, even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities
to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of
interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic
abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.


3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without

This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time
with the athletes who aren’t interested in basketball, have limited
athletic ability or whose parents don’t like basketball!

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in
the 4th, 8th, and 11th games. This will create a New Age of Sports where
every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams
will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child
gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are
encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can
screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go
to school with bad basketball players.

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